Fat and Unhappy

Good Morning Tuesday

2012-01-10T09:24:00.000-08:00

2nd week into being a full time employee again and things are going good. Eating WAY better during the day and trying to at night. We recently moved offices and there is NO tasty eateries around here, thats a GOOD thing. lol. Forced to bring lunch.

Not sure if mentioned it but getting into better shape is one of my goals this year. Yes to lose weight but also to be healthier. I'm going to start going to Jax circut class on Saturdays, which is a BLAST. A bunch of girlfriends and I are doing a 10K in late April and I am going to start training for that soon........ I really should have started last week and didn't UGHHHHH Next week is my week.......

One Awesome perk to our new office location is there is a small pilates studio down stairs. So Cyn, Donna and I are going to do a 30 min class twice a week at lunch. Which is AWESOME for me since finding time to work out is difficult. Our first class is today and I'm so excited.

Kisses

Its me again..........

2012-01-06T13:50:00.000-08:00

Sooooooo I was thinking to myself....Why did I stop blogging? I couldn't remember. I brought my blog up and read every post. Then I looked at the dates and it all came rushing back to me. So many things have changed since June of 2010. Lost unemployment benefits, took a job i didn't want to but had to for necessity, got laid off from that job, lost unemployment benefits AGAIN, didn't know how I was going to pay for groceries some weeks, was under the most stress i have EVER been in, and got a new job with the best company and boss in the WHOLE world. That's a lot in that amount of time. I think that because I am happy again with a full time job and a LOT less stress, I decided to start blogging again........

Here's the broken record part of this blog.....I'm Still FAT and UNHAPPY........unhappy with my fat. All that stress that I went thru has made me heavier than EVER. I hate it. I look in the mirror and cringe. Why can't I be one of those girls that DOESN'T eat when she's stressed GEEZ. Not to mention I went brunette for cost purposes and really can't stand it. Not because my hairdresser sucks, She doesn't you should go see her, Jaclyn at Hush Hush Bang Bang, (shameless plug) because for the past million years i have been a cute blonde. hee hee. I really wanted to have some crazy motivation. I wanted to post a picture of me in a bikini on this blog and posted up in all rooms i walk into at home but i really don't want to scare anyone who reads.....(if you are out there) or the children. lol

SO how does the saying go.....New Year, New You? I'm sure that's a slogan for jenny craig or nutrisystem but whateves......No diets, Eating better, Exercise more, loving me for me, and maybe a diet pill or 5 to jumpstart the weight loss. don't judge. If you want to judge, please do not read this.

Last time I said i was going to blog for 30 days. I made it 22, not too shabby. Im also not going to bore you with what i ate. Hard to say how often i will blog or even what i may say. Some days it may be funny, some days it may not.

Till i write more.........J

Day twenty two

2010-06-16T16:19:00.000-07:00

Breakfast: oatmeal with Cranberries and almonds. Am I a broken record or what? You would think I am getting sick of that breakfast but it is SOOOOOOOO good. It's like I am addicted to it.

Lunch was a mess. Out running around and I did what I SWORE I wouldn't. I ate fast food. boooooooooo me. mustard dog with cheese and a small fry. God i'm a mess.

great news!!!!! my sink/dishwasher is fixed. as I was sleeping last night it fixed itself. lol. My lovely husband fixed it. He new it would make me so happy. So the kitchen is clean and I am cooking tonight. Another new recipe from clean eating. Sweet and sour chicken, steamed broccolini and salad. I'll let you know how it goes.

Dinner was DELISH. I would totally make it again. YAY

I am so excited for the weekend, although its going to be filled with booze and good food. I am going to try to keep it to a min. We'll see how that goes. As you have read, and figured out, willpower is not my strong point. Anyone have any suggestions?

Day twenty one

2010-06-16T16:12:00.000-07:00

Breakfast: oatmeal almonds and cranberries

snack, carrots and homemade ranch. used the packet and used low fat mayo and ff milk

lunch, tons of veggies, grilled chix breast, fat free feta, balsamic and evoo

big stick........get ur mind out of the gutter people.

Dinner was a debacle. went out AGAIN because the sink and dishwasher were still not fixed. I wanted a burger. Went to the lazy dog and my intention was to get a burger with no bun, which i did. But the blue cheese and bacon on that burger with no bun and the cajun fries were the death of me. I'd had a crazy day and this is what happens when i get super stress. It's my down fall. As i normally do, I felt horrible about what I ate and wanted to vomit. I did not....BTW but was in such a funk last night I came straight home and went to bed. it wasn't even 8:30. depression at it;s best.

I have said it before and I"ll say it again. I will not lie to my readers about what I have eaten. I am human, I have fallen off the wagon. tomorrow is another day.

Day twenty

2010-06-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

Breakfast: Oatmeal with cranberries and almonds.

I can't use half of my sink in the kitchen and my dishwasher. BOOOOOOOOO

super in a funk today. insecure and frustrated. took a trip on the treadmill and sweated. 30 min, 230 calories burned and sweaty as all get out.

lunch was corner bakery, corner combo, tuna on harvest with a mixed green salad, iced tea.

just had a small bowl of my macaroni salad I didn't have yesterday. Am i falling off the food wagon???? HELP ME!!!! This is not easy. i will not eat out the rest of the week, for lunch that is.

Dinner is out tonight. Having not dishwasher = me not cooking a big meal. Went to macaroni grill and got the campellini pomodoro with chicken. salad and wine. it was good and I am glad I didn't have the lasagna. hee hee

thankful for another day.

I will cook tonight.

Day seventeen, eighteen and nineteen

2010-06-11T14:49:00.000-07:00

Wow what a great weekend.

Had a bad few days with eating and it showed. Gained back a lb but I look at it as motivation. Back to the grind.

Short blog.

Day Sixteen

2010-06-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly I can walk. lol

Breakfast: Oatmeal with cranberries and almonds

Today is the last day of preschool for viv. I'm not sure if i wanna cry or be so happy. She is growing up so fast. She is my baby so it's bittersweet for sure. I am very stoked I don't have to write another check for preschool. It's gonna save us 300 bucks a month.

Lunch today will be Baja (not baja fresh) with aunt b, aunt Kim and uncle bretto. they have the BEST food EVER. Blackened fish taco, white rice, pinto beans

Dinner was 1 slice of pizza, 5 boneless hot wings, beer and the laker game.

Today was not the best food day for me but I am thankful for another day. tomorrow will be better.

Day fifteen

2010-06-09T07:45:00.001-07:00

Slept horrible last night. My mind was not settled. too many thoughts. thought about my blog and what I would say. lol

Breakfast: oatmeal with cranberries and almonds

Dear Spin class at 10:00

I really want to join you today, however, my workout was amazing yesterday and my ass, legs, well everything is sooooo sore. I will have to join you next week.

Sincerely, very sore.

I wrote the above letter to spin class at 7:48 am. I then took the girls to school, texted jax and told her i was too sore and was planning on going to spin but that I couldn't. She promptly corrected me and said I could. I went to spin. and it is soooooo hard but I feel soooooo good. Did a mile on the treadmill before the class too. boooyaaaa

The gym is a very entertaining place for me to go and gives me so much to blog about. I often think to myself, are these people serious? Do they have a mirror at home? point one starts right when i got there. walking to the door I see an asian woman that looks fresh from a shower, how would i know that you ask? Because she was wearing nothing but a towel and flips. kill me now. then in front of me on a treadmill another asian woman. Her shoe choice was flat black patented leather slingback flats. that could not be comfortable. My gym boyfriend today was an older gentleman wearing black stretchy pants with red dragons on them. I bet he thought he was gonna pull in the chicks. nope.com

after gym snack: 4 egg whites, bell pepper, canadian bacon, spinach and chee. i put tabasco on it. my mouth is still on fire. (that's what she said)

Had half of vivs baby turkey sandwhich and a small bag of doritos and a diet soda. I'm flipping starving. and I'm tired and I am not going to be able to walk tomorrow. lol

snack: carrots and a string cheese

red wine is gross.

Dinner: whole wheat ritoni with spinach and ricotta pesto with filet, salad caprese with garlic bread.

thankful for naps. I really needed one today.

I don't want my mom to beat me at bejeweled. lol

Day fourteen

2010-06-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

Breakfast: oatmeal with cranberries and almonds.

snack: cranberries and almonds

Work out with Jax. always a good time.

Lunch: JANS!!!!! half a soy turkey sandwich, green salad with herb dressing, hava chips. DELISH

Dinner: Pork tenderloin cooked to perfection, grilled veggies, brown rice and salad

got the new clean eating magazine and there is a million things i want to try.

Today I am thankful that what i am doing is working. I have lost yet another pound, which means that I am down 2.4 lbs and I am so proud. I usually do diets, exercise etc and i don't have results. This time it is a lifestyle change and I am ready. I am more motivated than ever. spin class tmrw.

Thanks to all my readers. I'm glad you like it :)

Day thirteen

2010-06-07T08:48:00.001-07:00

Pinched nerve in my lower back. LAME.com

I have no more oatmeal. booooooo Hittin traders today.

Egg whites it is. I added a little red bell. it was delish

Salad with grill chix, reduced fat feta, balsamic and evoo

I'm in a funk today. booooooo

snack: cashews, cranberries and almonds

dinner was a new recipe and Ian said he liked it. I didn't. oh well.

till tmrw

Day Ten, eleven and 12

2010-06-07T08:39:00.001-07:00

So another weekend gone and I didn't blog.

I did well this weekend, Friday was chicken and steak chimmichuri, salad and veggies. The lillys were quite fun to have over.

Woke up Sat a tad hung over but managed to make it to Jax circuit training class and had a GREAT workout. You should go next sat. Got on the scale, even tho Cyn told me not to, and had lost a little over a pound. VERY stoked to see the hard work pay off. My daddy was home so another bbq. Teriyaki chicken, brown rice, veggies and a delish chinee salad. (i did have the fried won tons). We laughed so hard that night with my parents and friends. I am so lucky.

Sunday was the best day ever. Coffee and the paper in bed, layed out, took a nap in the shade while reading, relaxed and did not have to cook dinner. YAY. Ended the great weekend with a dinner at the Panda inn (the best ever) with my mother and father in law, brother and sister in law and all the kids. It was so nice to have a meal with everyone.

Day nine

2010-06-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

Breakfast: oatmeal with blueberries and blackberries

lunch: grilled chicken breast, lots of veggies, feta, balsamic and evoo. diet dr. pepper

clean clean clean. story of my life. and my house is still a mess.

no snack

Dinner: pizza beer and lakers. Not clean eating. but it was so good. I am telling the truth. I could have told you I ate good. but that would just be lying to you, and me.

I am thankful that the guy Ian had road rage with didn't kill him.

I'm getting my nose pierced tomorrow.

Day eight

2010-06-02T12:15:00.000-07:00

Only a little sore from the great workout from Jax

Breakfast: oatmeal with cranberries and almonds, coffee

went 40 min on my treadmill. Wanted to spin today but viv is home today instead of school.

lunch: egg whites, spinach, canadian bacon and a sprinkle of low fat chee.

snack: raw veggies with hummus.

Dinner: broiled halibut in parchement (eat clean recipe), rice pilaf (just a bit), green beans and salad

The halibut was very good and I can't wait to make it again, however I was very unsatisfied with dinner.

I'm frustrated. I know this is a long process but I'm still frustrated. I am working hard at eating good, and it is a lot of work. i just wish the pounds would "melt off"

Fact. According to Tosca, who I think is correct, losing weight is 80% nutrition, 10% genetics, and 10% training.

I am thankful for my kids. As much as they drive me crazy and I may have to be committed to a mental institution after summer they are smart, funny and beautiful.

Day Seven

2010-06-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

Back to the grind.

Breakfast: oatmeal with dried cranberries and almonds

Off to Jax for an ass kicking. YAY ME. I am gonna weight myself. With the exception of the long holiday weekend I have done well.

If you want a good workout go see Jax. visit www.train4abetteru.com. She is an amazing trainer and I feel amazing. I am happy with my weigh in. I only gained .2 but I am ok with it. I did not eat clean this past holiday weekend.

Lunch: egg whites with spinach, canadian bacon and low fat cheese. 1 slice of honey wheat berry toast with a little butter.

Snack: a small bag of carrots and a banana

Dinner: burger, no bun, pasta salad and a few tots.

Random fact: All the red tees in my closet are USC tees. hee hee. Football season cannot be here soon enough

I am thankful for my new BBQ. I know that seems weird but I have wanted one for almost 10 yrs.

Day Four, five and Six

2010-05-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

Work up late for my workout and decided not to go. texted my trainer and friend and she replied, it's your journey, not mine. Being the sensitive panda I am, I was upset about that and thought, what a bitch. Then I proceeded to get dressed and go for the last part of the class. I love her and I'm glad she did what she did. I would have not gone. I love you Jax

Breakfast: Oatmeal with berries.

Havin a bbq today so this should be interesting. Rented a jumper. FOR THE WRONG DAY!!!! I hope Joey jumpers comes to my rescue!!!

So they did and we had a great party.

I'm not gonna write about the past 3 days but I will tell you this. I have the most AMAZING family and friends. I've had so much fun at all the bbq's, birthday parties and pool parties. I have been going nonstop since friday. What a crazy fun weekend.

BTW.........i love tequila. come on guys, just one more shot. lol

Day Three

2010-05-28T09:20:00.001-07:00

Breakfast: Coffee and the BEST breakfast EVER. Egg whites with spinach, tomato, 2 slices of Canadian bacon a sprinkle of low fat chee and 1 slice of honey wheat berry toast with a tiny bit of butter.

Snack: just a hand full of almonds, cashews and cranberries from traders.

Lunch: Green salad, grilled chix, low fat feta, balsamic and evoo.

Asked Viv what she wanted and she replied McDonalds. Got her a happy meal and resisted the french fries. Victory is mine.

Slaters came over for dinner. Mexican. I did fairly well and drank some corona lights. 2 carne asada soft tacos a little bit of rice and beans.

All in all a good day

I am thankful for my parents. My parents are alive and well and I love them so much.

day two

2010-05-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

breakfast: same as yesterday :)

Snack: banana

lunch: greens and veggies with grilled chicken, balsamic with evoo and feta

Been drinking green tea, unsweetened, from trader and loving it. Water too.

Went to the dr. and became frustrated. Gained weight since the last time I was there, which was when I broke my toe, not that long ago. And riddle me this batman, Why the EFF do they have to weigh you EVERY TIME? I flippin swear. anyway, so I would normally say, well I'm fat anyway and drive thru some fast food joint, then feel bad about myself 10 min later. I did not today. I told myself this is why I am doing this. small victories. one day at a time.

Excited to try a new recipe tonight. from my new favorite magazine. Clean eating. Lots of tasty stuff to make. Wine tonight. YUMMO

Dinner was Delish. I had 2 glasses of wine. I wanted something sweet. I had a small bag of famos amos (6) cookies and a glass of ice cold fat free milk.

i love to play bejeweled blitz.

Today I am thankful that I don't have cancer. I have a mass on my leg and it's been there for months. I never thought anything of it but when I mentioned it to Cyn, Jax and Ian, they insisted I have it checked out. I went today and had an x ray. It's called lypoma. a fatty tumor. How funny is that? fatty tumor. lol.

till tmrw. J

Day one

2010-05-26T09:47:00.001-07:00

I thought breakfast was going to be easy. This morning I'm fixing Steel cut oatmeal with berries. I take the girls to school and now I'm STARVING. go to make my oats, read the directions, IT TAKES 30 min. shoot me now. lol. So I make them, put in some blueberries, raspberries and cinnamon. Take a bite and BLECH. It's not cooked and DISGUSTING. Hennessey out. DA DA DAAAAA trader joes to the rescue. frozen steel cut oat meal, 3 min, blueberries, raspberries, cinnamon and just a tad bit of equal sweetener. DELISH.

Breakfast: trader joes steel cut oatmeal with berries. Coffee with equal, lowfat milk and cinnamon vanilla creamer. (I won't give it up)

Yesterday, I read that mini egg white frittatas were a great snack on the run. I combined egg whites, spinach, mushrooms, and a bit of garlic/herb feta chee. ( i love chee) put them in a mini muffin tin and baked at 350 for about 12 min. I have to say, DELISH.

off to exercise. booooooooo

So instead of leaving the computer and cleaning or making excuses why I can't go to they gym, I got up off my lazy booty and went. Swimming is my exercise of choice today. Swimming at the local 24 hr can be quite comical. So first off let me say that I am the only white person in the pool area and I bring the age curve down by about 30 years. I will also tell you I do not swim laps the whole time. I would die. I use the kick board most of the time but do swim some full blown laps. Its what I observe during my laps using the kick board that I find super funny. Like guys who have just worked out going into the sauna or the steam room. Why do they do that? Oh and they love to use their cell phones in there. Are you kidding me? Today a sweaty RIPPED african american guy went in the steam room and then sat on a bench by the pool. caught him staring at me and when i looked back it looked as if he wanted to kill me. He finally left, thank god. weirdo. Oh and then another swimmer, who was male touched my leg while he was swimming. gross. swam for 30 min. legs are jello.

snack: a banana and 4 mini egg white frittatas

Lunch: Grilled chicken, mushrooms, bell pepper, cucumber and feta tossed in balsamic and evoo salt and pepper.

2 bit o honeys, 1 sugar free red bull

snack: raw veggies.

So as dinner time approaches I must tell you, this is and will be the pitfall of the day. I cook. I associate drinking a glass of wine or 2 or having a few beers with cooking. I start cooking at 4pm. So heres where the "i'm gonna drink less" comes in. I have to change my mindset and drink less when I cook. I will drink beer tonight. I can guarantee that. I will, however, drink less than I did last night and the night before that. I like to drink. I don't need it. I like the taste of beer and wine and vodka and tequila. All in moderation.

Dinner: Halibut fish stick, 3, quinoa, roasted zucchini and asparagus, dill and caper tartar sauce and salad. Always a salad. minus the croutons. I love croutons.

Halibut was DELISH, quinoa ok, roasted zucchini YUMMO (thx jax) the best part? the dill caper tartar sauce. In the words of cyn, the best tartar sauce she has ever had. let me know if you want the recipe.

I am new at this blogging thing so this post might be too long. YIKES. I'm going to blog every day for 30 days and see how it goes. I'm sure they will get shorter as the days go on. I will always leave you with 2 things. a random thought or question and one thing I am thankful for.

Why is soap slippery?

I am thankful for my husband. We have been married for 11 years and together for almost 19. When we were young he used to tell me that if I ever got fat he would leave me. (give him a break, he was YOUNG). So after 2 kids and me getting fat he is still with me and never tells me I'm fat. :)

Till tomorrow. J

Is this thing on?

2010-05-25T16:48:00.000-07:00

So here I am. A blogger. This is kinda weird. But whateves, i'll keep going.

So the title maybe be a little misleading, I am not unhappy with my life. I am unhappy at being fat, wether you think I am or not. I weigh more today than I did when I was delivering my children. This is the "unhappy" part. I'm so over it.

I realized this this morning as I was at my trainer, and one of my besties Jax, working out and looking in the mirror. I thought to myself, who is that? Thats not the girl I was a few years ago. I did not like what I saw, so I am changing. As of today.

This is going to be a blog of me and my story. Getting fit, eating better, not drinking as much (WHAT) and being funny. I am doing this for me. To vent, to post what I eat, what I did to workout, which i hate btw, and to maybe motivate or inspire just one person.

As most of you who know me know I love to cook. It is my PASSION. I cook to show the people I love how much I love them. I am, however, going to try and cook better. I will post my recipes and let you know how i liked them.

I am not a writer and who knows how long I will blog. I also want you to know that this is not a diet. Diets are evil. I will drink, in moderation, but I will eat what I want. Just not till I can't breathe. lol.